Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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