dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
