Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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