Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
