Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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