SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
