Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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