Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
