Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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