its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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