What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
