I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
