come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
