I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
