Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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