i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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