you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
