Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
