Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
