we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Mom said you looked used
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
