I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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