She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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