this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
