Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
