I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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