Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
