I want to stick my p in your. b.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
