rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
