party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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