Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
