So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
