why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
