Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
