her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
