dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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