guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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