So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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