bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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