i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
