i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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