Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
