There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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