I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
