ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
