I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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