No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
it's like iHOP with fire
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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