I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
