We named our party play list daddy issues
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
