these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
