and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
