I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
