I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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