WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just forgot I was standing up.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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