I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
