my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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