It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
