He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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