Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
