I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
