he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
