She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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