Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
