I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i believe in u and ur pee
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
