nut hugger
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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