It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
