she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
